FREE PDF ï BOOK Shades of Milk and Honey

Mary Robinette Kowal Ú Shades of Milk and Honey TEXT

FREE PDF ï BOOK Shades of Milk and Honey Ü ❮BOOKS❯ ✭ Shades of Milk and Honey Author Mary Robinette Kowal – Dcmdirect.co.uk The fantasy novel you’ve always wished Jane Austen had written Shades of Milk and Honey is exactly what we could expect from Jane Austen if she had been a fantasy writer Pride and PrejudiceE and her uest for love in a world where the manipulation of glamour is considered an essential skill for a lady of ualityJane and her sister Melody vie for the attentions of eligible men and while Jane’s skill with glamour is remarkable Shades of PDFEPUBit is her sister who is fair This was an incredibly frustrating book The charm of Austen lies in the style of writing light witty insightful elegant and able to skewer Regency life at a moment's notice And while Shades of Milk and Honey makes sure to pack in plenty of Regency manners and swooning the writing style is so jarring that I ended up reading passages aloud to other people just to confirm that they really did make no damn senseThe author reuses words at an amazing pace freuently the same word is repeated in back to back sentences sometimes three or four times in a paragraph Worse sometimes the author uses words she clearly doesn't understand droll for instance is applied to a completely humourless character multiple times and appears to have been confused with a word that means curt or short instead of amusing Sometimes she uses the archaic spelling of a word chuse sometimes she uses the modern spelling Occasionally she'll use a word that is archaic and proceeds to misuse it nuncheon does not mean lunch repeatedly When you combine these bizarre word choices with laboured sentences that are borderline incomprehensible the experience is like thumping down a stretch of rapids instead of Austen's effortless babbling brookThe plot doesn't even get started until halfway through at which point I already hate Brat and Doormat which might as well be the names of the central sisters Most of the characters in this book are so glaringly based on well known Austen characters that it seems too obvious and I waited in vain for the twist that would make them new and exciting No such luck if anything they were stripped of all endearing ualities and hammered flat into one dimensional puppets The magic elements are explained in detail but are completely incidental to the story By the end we've given up all pretense of being in an Austen novel and have stumbled into some sort of uasi Gothic adventure scene I was just so happy to have gotten to the last pages I didn't even care anyI bought the book because I love Austen and many Austeny spin offs and because I thought the conceit of magic being a womanly art was pretty cool But now I'm just wondering what the hell reviewers were thinking in recommending this read Having done a little digging it looks like Kowal is the VP of the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America I can't help but wonder if the circles she moves in has caused her writing to be overrated as I have no idea why this particular book merited the sort of publicity push it's currently experiencing I wish I hadn't read it

KINDLE Û Shades of Milk and Honey Ú Mary Robinette Kowal

Of face When Jane realizes that one of Melody’s suitors is set on taking advantage of her sister for the sake of her dowry she pushes her skills to the limit of what her body can withstand in order to set things right and in the process accidentally wanders into a love story of her o Romance and Regency go hand in hand but then so does ArtAll the most talented ladies are skilled in the art of subterfuge and seeming are they notWell not Jane She's conflicted about using Glamour and refuses to make herself seem pretty than she is while also being rather talented than the rest of her family Sure its a common thing to know and use Glamour in the Regency era Didn't you know Magic is real and no only can you create wonderful murals and play wonderful music without the gross aids of base paints or the piano forte but it also gives us a tapestry to work out our own personal dramas How delightfulI've always liked stories that bring up the conflict between lies and bringing forth truth from them Passion and the heart were always best served through fiction and not stark reality As an opener into the series it serves delightfully as a simple romance with silly girls getting into trouble and eligible men causing so much pain and ruckus sigh But this is the nature of reality sigh The novel isn't the most brilliant that I've read and it's simplicity serves the magic than the other way around and that's fineStill don't trust the blurb that this is much like the books listed there Think Urban Fantasy meets Regency Romance and you'll be fine

KINDLE Shades of Milk and Honey

Shades of Milk and HoneyMilk and Epub #225 The fantasy novel you’ve always wished Jane Austen had written Shades of Milk and Honey is exactly what we could expect from Jane Austen if she had been a fantasy writer Pride and Prejudice meets Jonathan Strange Mr Norrell It is an intimate portrait of a woman Jan This book is like Jane Austen's works in the way that a genetically modified out of season greenhouse tomato is like a cherry Sure they're technically both classified as fruits They're red They're juicy looking They're attractive The difference is that when you bite into said GMO tomato it tastes like mealy mushy tasteless crap This book is the euivalent of a limp tasteless slice of tomato on a McDonalds' hamburger Why bother You're just going to pick it off and throw it away anyway Or maybe that's just me I hate raw tomatoesThis book tries way too hard The main character is a doormat Her love interest is not so much Darcy as he is Jane Eyre's Rochester yes I know they're not by the same author played by a 9th grade drama student with aspirations of playing Heathcliff whose inspiration for Heathcliff yes I know that's yet another book comes from The Simpsons' Ned Flander's portrayal of Stanley Kowalski in A Streetcar Named Desire I KNOW THEY'RE ALL BY DIFFERENT AUTHORS THAT'S NOT THE FREAKING POINTSorry for all the literary references Not really I'm just in a fucking bad mood right now after reading this book and I don't care The characters are extremely similar to Austen's with none of the complexity resulting in characters that are predictable and dull The language is both pretentious Shew Shewed Chuze Chusing and inconsistent There is no sisterly love Expecting Elizabeth and Jane Don't hold your breath It's like Fanny and Lydia I KNOW THEY'RE NOT IN THE SAME BOOK1111 There's no fucking point to the magic None It's literally fucking window decoration There's no explanation Poof Magic sparkly dragon fairy dust everywhere and hidden glamour strings being pulled out of thin air like a used fucking tampon string within some invisible female unicorn What's the fucking pointThe Plot We're in Jane Austen era England Hooray Our main character is named Jane Hooray She has a sister a beautiful beautiful beautiful sister named Melody the loveliest maiden in the entire fucking shire the English shire not the Middle Earth Shire although it would be pretty epic if there were an Elven PP I would watch the shit out of thatJane has a doting father and a fussy mother who does nothing but whine and gossip and worry about her daughters' marriage prospects I'm shocked Their estate is entailed in favor of a male relative Such wonder Such surprise A new neighbor has moved in a Mr Dunkirk No He is a kind handsome young gentleman reserved and polite I never He has a young very shy little sister named Elizabeth 16 years old and not yet debuted Oh my whom he dotes on Said beloved sister is so beloved so protected because she HAS A DARK DEEP SECRET DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN I WONDER WHAT THE SECRET COULD BEThere's a young charming handsome military man named Livingston who gambles and flirts who might or might not have a dark dastardly wascally wabbit secret There's a dark brooding man named Mr Vincent who does nothing but sneer ok he might belong in Jane Eyre instead if our beloved Rochester has the personality of a moldy potato and none of the good looks and you might recall Rochester was never much of a looker to begin withIt depends on which BBC production you watch of course but I'd rather not give the dude in this book the benefit of the doubtSo the love fuckery I mean you could call it a love triangle but again I'm in a pretty fucking foul mood right now You would be too if you read 300 pages of nothingJane admires Captain Livingston while secretly in love with Mr Dunkirk who admires Jane but shows all the attention to Melody who flirts with Dunkirk and flirts with Mr Vincent and flirts with Captain Livingston hell anything with a penis who's not her father oh right it's a Regency I'm not supposed to say the word penis Or tampon now that I think about it Or curse Crap Vincent doesn't give a fuck about anyone and snarls at Jane while showing shewing attention upon Melody Livingston is flirting with Melody while choosing chusing chuzing Make up your mind fucking book to bestow his attention upon another SECRET YOUNG LADY WHO HE REALLY SHOULDN'T BE SEEING I wonder who the mysterious very young very off limits lady could be11And in the middle of all this magic glamour is used to decorate everything and to make things pretty and sparkly and brightAch mein headThe Fucking Language Be fucking consistent It tries too fucking hard This book tries to use the antiuated language of Austen days which would work EXCEPT IT ONLY DOES SO WHEN IT FEELS LIKE ITShew shewed shewn AKA Show showed shown Here written as shewn for the entire fucking book except when the author forgets to do so SHEW SHEW SHEW SHEW GAAAAAAAAAAAH IT PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH Beth was out of sorts however and the enthusiasm she had shown before dinner seemed to be smothered under a layer of melancholy vs They were shewn to the library with Jane’s mother accompanying them as chaperonChuse Choose is written as chuse chuse chuuuuuuuuuuse except when the modern form is used She would not have chosen to meet him next in this mannerTeaze Surprize Really what was the fucking point The ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ makes it so much fucking authentic No It just gives me a fucking headache “You may teaze me but Mr Vincent’s praise is valuable for being rare” To her surprize Mr Vincent had come to callHaphazard fucking use of British spelling vs American Sometimes things are spelled with an ou wherein the US we would simply spell it with an o The SAME FUCKING WORDS are spelled differently in the book Honor and honour Apologize is given the American spelling instead of properly spelled in the British way as apologise Favorite is used instead of favourite There is no ends to the inconsistencies within this bookThe Characters Straight out of Austen with none of the details of personality that makes the original a classicOne could call Jane an PP's Elizabeth Bennett wannabe but I prefer to call her a motherfucking doormat Oh I know perfectly well that in that age women were expected to be docile There is such a thing as being gentle natured without laying yourself flat on the floor and asking people to walk all over you Elizabeth and Emma are good examples of how a Regency woman can be strong minded while not being a fucking incompetent nincompoop who does nothing but mope and whine all freaking dayJane is a martyr She is plaaaaaaaain Plain Jane Beloved by her daddy but plain and a spinster nonetheless She loves Dunkirk She's unwilling to do anything to get him She's half torn by his attraction to him and her desire to do good by her sister who is courting him so in essence we get a lot of internal wangst and emo and not a whole lot of action at all Jane is really really dull I would say that's a conseuence of her name but that would be an insult to all the glorious Janes worldwide Including our revered Jane Austen herselfMisters before Sisters Melody stopped and tossed her head eyes sparkling “And I thought better of you Jealousy is unbecoming on you dear sister It is not my fault he finds me beautiful” You want PP's Jane and Elizabeth's loving sisterly relationship Fuck you says this book Melody is like Kitty and Jane is well PP's Jane without the beauty without the personality without the sweetness with all of the inaction with a truckload of internal pettiness piled onto her Why do we like Jane again Oh she's the main character Well alrighty thenJane resents her sister for her beauty She secretly relishes Melody's lack of intelligence compared to her own She secretly wants Melody out of the way so she can date pardon me la Dreamy Dunkirk She had not hitherto allowed herself to hope but if Melody’s affections had truly transferred to Captain Livingston that would remove the most immediate obstacle to Mr Dunkirk It left her plainness and her awkward carriage but to a man such as him might these things be overlooked in favour of her talent Melody is beautiful but conniving and bitchy She is envious of Jane for her talents in glaaaaaaaaaamour and constantly belittles Jane every chance she's got In front of all the boys That's just mean Melody is deceptive bitchy shallow Though she knew that she should aid her sister in making a match Jane could not stomach the games that Melody played There's also a sick scene that was just pathetic Melody is a combination of PP's Lydia and Kitty Kitty's shallowness and brainlessness and Lydia's compulsion and idiocy And like Lydia it's only too easy to see where Melody will end upThe Rooooomance Jane is in love with Dunkirk but there's kind of not really a love triangle because we know all along who shes's going to end up with This man we'll call him Mr V isn't uite Darcy Darcy is subtle Darcy is polite Darcy is all that a gentleman should be Mr VHis jaw clenched and he seemed about to say something but the moment passed and his anger subsided made his sneer deepen smirked his teeth bared as he snapped his reply More like a hound of the Baskervilles than a man Mr V is as subtle as a brick to the faceThe Magic What's the fucking point There's nothing to the magic It comes from hidden strings in the air people don't have to be born with it It's like motherfucking embroidery only men can do it too And with all the maaaaaaaaaagical magic it's being used for nothing but motherfucking party decoration There a combination of glamour and paint contrived to turn the hall into a nymph’s grove Though yet incomplete the illusion teazed the spectators with scents of wild flowers and the spicy fragrance of ferns Just out of sight a brook babbled Motherfucking OOOOOOOOOOOOH What's the point Where did all this magic come from If it's so powerful why aren't people using it Why is it completely optional If the strings are so fucking invisible how come anyone can see them and pull on them if they want to Isn't it completely contradictory to have invisible glamour strings that you can see and pull and manipulate Can I please have some freaking explanationsUgh What a waste of time I'm going to go reread Mr Darcy Takes a Wife Darcy and Elizabeth fucking each other like rabbits had depth than this book